Frreaky

UUhhh, I don't know where to start exactly...I can't think strait right now...

Well, first of I had that dream again. It came back, only worse. I could tell I was surrounded by flames, and I was in Andrew's room...it almost felt like I was Andrew...Then, in the morning, I went on a run alone. The entire time I felt like I was being watched, and it was mentally hard to run, like I had to push myself just to keep going. That dream really affected me, I feel like doing nothing all day now...

But that's not what got to me. When I was done with my run, I had entered the elevator to get to our house (our apartment's on the second floor), when I saw that new guy. There are two hallways that lead to the elevator, one coming from the east and one coming from the north. The elevator itself looks out on the north hallway, but I didn't look there until after I had pushed the button to go up. As the doors closed, I saw what I later realized had to be that new guy: someone standing in the middle of the hall, in all black, looking at something at the end of the hall. The last thing I saw was his head tilted at a weird angle, and that's what really freaked me out. I don't know why he was there, but it seamed like he could have stood there all day. And what was he looking at? The fact that he was just there, just standing there, staring at something, that spooked me for some reason. It's just how odd that is.

I had to post about this, I had to tell someone just to help me calm down...mom's not home yet, but maybe she'll see him too when she gets back, maybe I could tell her...

Gha! Maybe I'm just overreacting...

New Day

Well, today was a good day. To start, I didn't have that dream again, and I feel like a weight's been lifted from my shoulders. I finally started to go to Cross Country practice again, and I felt pretty good after the run, although I'm out of shape from not doing anything for the past two weeks. After I showered at home I hung out with my girlfriend at her house for the rest of the day; we hadn't see each other since the fire, and we talked about us, Andrew, what was going on in our lives, and pretty much anything that came to mind. That entire time was bittersweet, at some points we were laughing hysterically while at others we were on the brink of tears...

Other then that, I think someone just moved into the apartment complex, like a business guy or something. It's weird because before I didn't notice things like that, but now I realize I'm really observant and I notice anything out of the ordinary or anybody new; I hadn't seen the guy before, but I got a few glances of him twice, once in the morning and when I came back, so he's probably here to stay.

Oh! And I just remembered, I think I lost that toy of Andrew's...I can't find it anywhere. Although I could have sword I put it in my closet, it's not there! :(
Ah, oh well, at least I have a picture... -Anthony

Goodby

This is Elie. I'll just get to the point: I'm not going to post on this blog anymore. Kyle and I originally thought this up to help Anthony deal with Andrew's loss; He's not very expressive and usually keeps most of his problems to himself, and I was afraid that would have a bad effect on his emotional heath. I thought that him having a blog to express his feelings on would be a good idea, but he didn't want to do it alone, so we all decided to make this blog. However, he's had a change of heart, so we talked it over, and decided to make this his personal blog about Andrew's loss or whatever else might be bugging him.

Thank you, to the few who follow this right now, for being so supportive thus far.

Leaving

Well, I won't be able to post for a while after this. In a few hours I'm leaving on a business trip that should last about two weeks. I don't really want to go, I'd rather be home with Elie, but if I go I'll finally get a promotion, and we need the stability that would provide right now.

Anyway, things have gotten better at work. I'm not as unfocused as I used to be, and I'm not constantly stressed out about everything. Although I always get depressed when we eat dinner. Elie and I were thinking about going to a family counselor with Anthony, but I'm leaving on this trip, and we're not sure if we could afford it until afterward... -Kyle

I had that dream again. I don't why I keep having it. It's just the same thing: fire and heat, and yet somehow I know I'm in our house. This is really freaking me out...maybe I should see a counselor? -Anthony

Found Something

Alright, the only thing I found was this, one of the Legos Andrew used to collect. He was really into them. I don't know which one this is, though we used to know all their names and stories. =/
Hopefully this picture is good enough:

Huh. This is sad, this is the only one left out of his entire collection. He had tonnes of these! Now the rest are just melted plastic...Huh. :(

Bad Dreams

Well, hello again. This is Anthony. I've gotten a little better over the last few days, but last night I kept having this dream. I was back at the night of the fire, but I was inside the house when it happened. I could feel the heat, and see the flames, but I'm not sure where I was exactly. But I know I was in the house. Man, I must have really been effected by this.

There's only one box of stuff left that we haven't gone through; we stopped yesterday because mom and dad were getting too distressed. I'm going to look through it now, and I'll post anything of Andrew's if I find any.

We lost so much that night...

A picture

Well, we started going through what we recovered from the fire today. So far, all we've found of Andrew's is a picture of him dresses as Benito Mussolini for a History Class presentation he did last year. Elie started crying when she saw it. I've been depressed ever since because I've realize how much of Andrew's we don't have; there is so little to remember him by.

At the very least, I'll always have my memories. Heh, there was this one time, I remember, when Andrew was little, we were trying to get him out of dippers and into underwear, but he said dippers were too comfortable. A few days later, Andrew's cousins were over and they started teasing him about the fact he still wore dippers when Anthony didn't. Andrew immediately became potty trained. It was hilarious.

Man, this helps, really, even if no one reads this, just talking about it helps. Oh, and Anthony seems to be getting a little better, he hasn't been laying in bed all day today. -Kyle

Andrew

I miss him. I can't begin to express how much I miss him. I think what I shall miss most is his relentless desire to know. He was curious about everything, he always asked questions. If he encountered any problem, any at all, he would work at it until he solved it. He almost never asked for help either. I was so proud of him.

We had no where to go after the house burnt down. We stayed at my sister's place for a few days before moving into this apartment complex. I've had to work every day since the fire; its so hard to focus there, I can't stop thinking of Andrew. I was offered leave, but we can't afford it; I have to work overtime. Our family was in a tight spot even before we lost everything, and now it's so hard, mentally, to keep going on. -Kyle

I miss my brother

I don't know how to say this. I was never really that close to my brother, but I still feel a gnawing emptiness in my heart. I never realized until now how much I loved the guy. My life is pretty much back to normal now, even though we're living in a small apartment instead of our house, but I can't operate normally anymore. It seems I must really push myself to do the most basic things, like get out of bead, or get up for water...

Like right now its even hard to type. I'm sorry, I'd like to say more, but I just can't right now. -Anthony

My Son

Huh. Where to begin. I still can't believe my son is gone. He was a bright, imaginative boy, always excelling in school. The night he died the rest of us had gone out to diner, but Andrew stayed home because he was feeling sick. Ah, I can hardly type this without tearing up. All that I remember after we first saw the fire trucks and smoke is the pain and anguish I felt.

I cried myself to sleep for two nights after it happened. But I'm getting better. I can at least get through the day now, but if I think about him for long I can't help but cry. -Elie

Introduction

Hello, this blog is dedicated to my son, Andrew, who passed away tragically last week at the age of sixteen. Our family has created this blog to help deal with his loss by posting our thoughts and memories of him and to preserve his memory; almost everything we had of him was lost in the house fire that killed him, and we do not have the means to do anything else in his memory. My son, Anthony, my husband, Kyle, and I will be using this site and will hopefully be able to honor his memory. -Elie